While I was in my prayer time this morning I began to weep as I remembered all the things the Lord has done. My life is unrecognizable. I was once lost, so lonely, and struggling with some pretty icky things. I struggled with finding a place in the body of Christ and in some ways I struggled with figuring out where I fit in this world. The desires in my heart weren’t being met and I felt that God had forgotten about me. There was a place by my parents house I would go when I needed time with the Lord. And when I say time with the Lord I mean an hour to ball my eyes out because my soul was just so discouraged.
Day and night I cried out to the Lord to heal me from the inside out and to open the spout of blessings over my life. In so many ways I compared myself to Hannah in 1 Samuel. I longed for some pretty beautiful things and I sought the Lord relentlessly. You maybe reading this and think, why would I feel so entitled to God’s blessing? The short answer is that although I was struggling with figuring out life, I knew I was a daughter of the KING OF KINGS. I am His and He is mine. He promised He would take care of me and provide for me. I knew there was so much more, if only I could stay close and remember the truth of the scriptures.
It’s a year later and I am married, living in a house, started all together lovely, and leading worship at my church every single Sunday. Sister, I am BLESSED. God heard every tear jerking prayer and walked closely with me during those hard times. My life is so different than what it was before.
So while I reflected back on my life, all I could do was weep because I did nothing to earn what the Lord has given me! I need to say this for the people in the back.
I did nothing to earn what the Lord had blessed me with!
God blessed me simply because He loved me. He heard my prayer because He close to my broken heart. I am not qualified nor do I deserve the kindness the Lord showed me, but He did it anyone because He is just that GOOD. He also made ways for my because I am His child and made sure that His word was fulfilled!
"I watch to see that my Word is completed." ~Jeremiah 1:12
I needed this reminder this morning because I have been putting an enormous amount of pressure on myself lately. I have been trying to build my blog up by the help of Instagram and I’ve been finding myself focused on numbers and engagement. I am missing the point of all of this.
The point of it all was to spread the Gospel of Jesus using my stories! To build community and glorify the Lord using all the gifts He has given me. But instead I am focusing on how to monetize the blog so that I can build the life that I want so badly. Taking care of my home, blogging, and becoming a mom is my dream! In my mind, the only way that can happen is if I grow and monetize. Is wanting to make money wrong? No. My issue is that I have been putting the weight of that dream completely on my shoulders.
Who knows, the way the Lord may want to bless and provide could come in a completely different way! He doesn’t deserve the box that we put Him in!
I find myself thinking that if I don’t pry this door open I will have missed my opportunity. Or if can’t grow this blog in 6 months then I won’t be successful. Be careful that you don’t fall into this carnal thinking? What is carnal? Carnal is thinking worldly and not spiritual. Where is the Hannah that cried out to the Lord. Where is the girl that would pray the scriptures over her circumstances, standing and believing o every word He said?
Be careful to not allow what you see in the natural to blind you from the powerful hand of God to bring you to the expected place! He is going to get you there by His spirit, not with the ability you think you poses!
In Genesis 24:1-15, Abraham asks his servant to find his son, Isaac, a wife. After the servant was given instruction, he set off on a journey to the city of Nahor with 10 of his master’s camels. He came to a well where he asked the Lord to make his search successful.
"He said, O Lord, God of my master Abraham, please grant me success today and show steadfast love to my master Abraham."
Genesis 24:12
The servant didn’t make a sign that said, “Looking for a wife for my master.” He didn’t strive or try really hard. The servant didn’t even manipulate the situation to sweet talk a woman into marrying Isaac. He prayed, aligned himself with the will of God, and left the rest UP TO THE LORD. He placed the search in the Lord’s hands. The bible goes on to say,
"Before he had finished speaking, behold, Rebekah, who was born to Bethuel the son of Milcah, the wife of Nahor, Abraham's brother, came out with her water jar on her shoulder."
Genesis 24:15
Before the servant had even finished speaking, the Lord answered the prayer!
The good news is that providing and making a life for ourselves is NOT UP TO US. When God blessed me with my husband I was not fasting 5 times a week or praying 8 hours a day. I was just walking according the Will of God. I was frustrated but in the will. Confused but in the Will. Heartbroken but in the WILL OF GOD. This world will try to tell you that every reward you receive is performance based. Or maybe the job you received was because you answered all the interview questions correctly. But with God we aren’t, nor do we have to be qualified to receive the blessings that He has for us!
It is not up to us! No good deed, degree, or grand gesture could ever allow me to earn the blessings of God. It is simply because He LOVES and CARES for me!
Trust that you are His child and because of that He has good things already planned for you! You don’t have to try so hard. Take the pressure off of your shoulders. He will bring you to the expected place!
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm, plans to give you hope and a future." ~Jeremiah 29:11
